Too busy not to own a dog

Two months ago I was running a fast growing company, living in a tiny apartment, working 60 hour weeks and travelling overseas frequently for work.

Then I got a dog. And not just any dog, a spaniel named Peanut.1 This made absolutely no sense as I was basically the textbook example of someone that’s “too busy to own a dog.” And yet, not only has it worked, but dog ownership 2 has helped me to become a healthier and happier person in ways that have taken me completely by surprise.

Always on

By way of background, I have issues switching off. To put it mildly. I’m lucky enough now to be working at a company I started that’s trying to prevent terrorism. So, I tend to get a pass from people who don’t know me very well.   “You work on terrorism, that’s so important right now, of course you have trouble switching off!” 

But those that have known me for a long time remember that when I managed an outbound call center, I would sometimes stay at work till 4am to get a campaign ready.3 When I was in college, I pulled all-nighters designing posters for student events.
Something external is always urgent. And I could always sacrifice sleep, energy or personal time to fix it. This can be a serious problem for physical health, mental health, interpersonal relationships. I’ve known this for a decade. But I’ve never been able to feel it. I’ve tried meditation, prayer,4 therapy and a million little tricks recommended to me by friends or articles.5

The issue with all of these approaches was that I was essentially trying to rewire my brain.6 To change who I’ve always been.

Externalising Self Care
When we brought Peanut home, it was mostly because my wife wanted a dog. I like dogs, but her love of them is at another level. To my mind it was something that was primarily done to make her happy; something else I would work hard at. Once this little creature was at home, there was suddenly another external factor demanding work and change. Choice was removed, certain things simply had to be done.  

• We needed to get a place with a yard for the pooch, so we moved house.
• She needed to be trained otherwise she would bite people and shit on the floor, so a lot of reading on a topic I didn’t know much about was done.
• Spaniels need an ungodly amount of exercise, so multiple walks a day beckoned.

All of these things had to be done. They couldn’t wait, couldn’t be diluted or forgotten. Payroll comes around every month, and no matter how many people tell me to “take it easy” I have to get certain things at work done. Similarly, once Peanut was at home, there was a forcing mechanism to ensure that the above happened every day.

Unexpected benefits

As the weeks rolled by, I started to realize something. The things I was being forced to do, that I thought of as a duty, were the very things that I had been trying and failing to inject into my life for over a decade.

• The space.  We moved to a house with plenty of garden space and a guest bedroom. This opened up all sorts of benefits that went far beyond the dog. Having a garden meant we could have friends over for a BBQ, could sit on the grass of an evening and drink a cold beer while the sun set, could learn how to tend roses. Even just having a bit more space makes you realize how cramped the previous place was.7

• The walks. Peanut requires two or three walks a day. That means going to a park at least once a day and either running with her or training her. Phones are generally switched off or forgotten about, as your entire focus is on ensuring she doesn’t steal some toddlers’ shoes or run under a bus.

• The people. I’ve lived in London for ten years and I’ve had more conversations with strangers in the past two months than the previous 120 combined. Excitable children, grizzled old cockneys with St Georges’ Cross tattoos, banker types rushing to work. They all stop, smile and chat when you have a dog. They tell you stories, sqee, ask you questions or just pat her on the head.  Walking abound with a dog (especially a cute puppy) is like walking around with a happiness ray that has 70% effectiveness, and when that many people smile at you, you can’t help but smile back.

• The community. Beyond the once off encounters, people start to remember you (well, your dog).  Whether it’s the unusual subculture of the dog park where you start to natter with other owners as your dogs play, or just people in the local neighborhood, it’s remarkable how quickly a dog can turn a place you live into a community. When you walk down the street and doormen, shop owners and locals smile and greet your dog with a “Morning Peanut!” you suddenly live in a wholesome village where everybody knows your name, not a faceless metropolis.

• The hidden hobby. Training a dog requires focus and experimentation. You need to get the basics right before you can move on. Toilet training is a must, recall is essential. Sit is a building block towards more complex commands. To get these right you do a lot of reading and a lot of thinking. I’ve spent hours reading on effective whistle training. I once spent an entire Saturday carving up two rabbits to make training treats that I thought would incentivize her better than off-the-shelf stuff. When she understands a command for the first time or comes to a whistle blast, the endorphins surge!

• The furry forcing mechanism.  I often stay late at the office out of habit or apathy. It wouldn’t be at all unusual for me to stay till nine pm just catching up on emails when my last meeting ended at five. When there’s a dog sitting at home alone, it forces you to ask yourself if you really need to be physically present. Over the last two months I’ve been far more comfortable with coming in at eleven if that’s when my first meeting was, or heading home to finish my work from the house at half four.

If you had told me a year ago that I would be taking two walks a day in the park, chatting to strangers, waving at neighbors whose names I know,  going home on time, reading intently about things other than politics and terrorism, taking full days to learn to bone rabbits I would have laughed in your face. That wasn’t me. I don’t do self-care, that’s for other people.

I’m lucky enough to have a partner to share responsibility with, a company that I own and the financial ability to pay for dog walkers, vets and a house with a garden. So I’m aware that this isn’t for everyone.  I’m also acutely aware that if Peanut lives to fifteen, I’m less than one percent into this journey, so ask me again in six years how having a dog effects your life.

But, for me at least, I’ve realized that I’m far too busy not to own a dog.

1. For the uninitiated, Spaniels are giant balls of energy that require constant mental stimulation and exercise to be happy. 
2. Yes, ownership. I’m not it’s “parent” stop being weird.
3. While at that same job I once worked for three months straight, seven days a week without a day off. So I could do outbound sales. 
4. While I still had some faith. I no longer do. Long story. 
5. Therapy is great, it helped (and continues to help) me to work on a wide range of issues and I highly recommend it
6. Which is of course that very effective approaches such as CBT essentially try to do, so it is possible in certain circumstances. 
7. The most extreme example of this came for me a year ago. My therapist was going out of town for a bit so suggested that we try continuing therapy over Skype. As we were planning this, she asked me what sounds like a simple question “do you have a private space you can speak.” I realized that the answer was no. At the office, there was always someone there and the rooms are glass. At home, the apartment was so small that there was no place you could speak without being heard perfectly throughout the rest of the apartment. It’s a funny realization that there’s nowhere you can speak privately without being overheard or observed.